social

Barbie girl 1

This entry was posted in blank noise personal social on by (updated 1976 days ago)

“You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere“..”kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky“. A lot of guys think that’s what women are for. Writing a post on such issues like the ones that blank noise project (which incidentally got mentioned in boingboing too) covers, had always been on my mind but never did that earlier, because I never wanted reactions amounting to martyrdom, like “oh you poor thing, you had to go through so much”. I am glad I wrote, nevertheless. No, not because I had to vent it all out or that it would be cathartic. I didn’t need to do that. Those things had been purged by my mind a long time ago. And all women learn to do that eventually. They block out such memories in their entirety and lead their lives as if nothing happened. I am glad I did it because of the kind of reactions that I have received from people, many of whom are male. I anticipated that almost all women would be writing similar stories (and actually I was sick reading the same stuff). What I didn’t anticipate was that most men are completely oblivious of the “magnitude” of the situation. I am glad that this series had them enlightened (read “shocked” in their own words).

I am also hoping that it would have definitely helped many women realise that they aren’t the only ones going through this. Everyone and I mean every single one has to go through exactly the same shit. I also hope that women actually learn to “raise their voice” (literally) against it. I noticed that some of us felt “dependent” on men. I would like to point out that largely everyone in the society is dependent on each other for some reason or the other. But dependency to the extent of not being able to go out to a movie or a mall or to the market, unescorted, is pure crap. I know women (not child women but grown up adults) who can not even cross the road on their own without someone holding their hands! I know women who need “company” while going to the loo because they are scared (of the dark or of the loneliness, only they would know)! It irritates me to no end to see people perfectly capable of taking care of themselves (and others at that), being so dependent on others for such small little things. May be it’s because they have been sheltered all their lives and the reason for that would be the kind of experiences women face here. It’s a vicious cycle of sheltering and dependency which only leads to further dependency. It needs to be broken by the *women* themselves, by realising that dependency to some extent is unavoidable but it is only by breaking that mental dependency that they would learn to take care of themselves. This is the only way they would ever be able to get the strength to get back at the people who are largely the reason for such harassment on the streets, in public places and even in one’s own home.

In this country which has such high female infanticide rates, and has all kind of discrimination against the girl child, I have been fortunate enough to get a good education and parents who don’t have such a mindset. But I see several others who are as fortunate, still stuck mentally in a rut which makes them feel “helpless” and “dependent”. Just taking up a job and being a working woman is not called being “indpendent”. Independence stems from one’s own mind. There are females who can not take a single decision independently. Not for others and not for their own self. Whether or not it’s life altering, doesn’t matter. Taking someone’s opinion or consultation is definitely good, but having someone else take entire decisions for you is different. I know women who are grown up adults and can not get themselves from point A to point B all by themselves. Whether Point A is their own home and Point B – their next door neighbour or the Louvre in Paris, it doesn’t matter. They are not limited physically or monetarily. Mentally is the only way they are. I stay alone in the same city that my parents stay in (though it took me a year to convince them to be able to) and I do it because I *can* and want to, and not as a solution to any problem. I am tired of repeated clarifications (most of them, to women) to inconsequential stuff to the effect of, “I do NOT get scared of the dark or for that matter spiders, rats, frogs, lizards and what nots”, “I can take care of myself”, “I can run the house independently”. My only (of course unsolicited) advice to such “oppressed” women would be to wake up and stop being “Barbies” themselves. Only then can they expect others to NOT treat them as the same.


Take a vow 1

This entry was posted in blank noise personal social on by (updated 4511 days ago)

As I sit down to write for the blank noise blog-athon, I wonder where I could begin. Should I start chronologically from the age of 7, when a man servant felt me up in places I can still not get myself to write down? Or should I go ahead to the age of 14 when a guy rubbed himself into me in a not so crowded bus in Nepal, all this when my parents and sister were in the same bus, but I didn’t dare to move, for the sad reason that at that age, I didn’t know how have the guts to react in that kind of a situation. Or should I just jump past all those daily experiences of men feeling me up, pushing themselves into me in public transport, or staring at me or winking at me or passing lewd remarks or pinching my butt or singing songs or throwing balloons at me every damned holi or autodrivers offering me “lifts, jahan bhee jaana ho” or cars stopping by when I am walking alone on a main busy road, following me for some time, assuming that I am on sale or “boys” aiming small paper pellets at my butt or men hitting my butt by driving too close to me while I am walking my dog or guys speeding on a bike hitting my chest so hard that I almost fall with the sheer force (apart from the shock)… I am out of breath already and this sentence doesn’t even seem to be anywhere near ending. Maybe I should just land up at the incident which happened at some new year party when I was 16 and at that age, like everyone else I had the humble desire a young girl would have – that of being asked for a dance (not even a ballroom dance, it just a jam session). Little did I know that the request for a dance was a pretext for masturbation in a public place with the guy trying to make me fondle his dick. By that age, I was thankfully not so ill-equipped in terms of presence of mind (had enormous experience of such incidents by now) and I shoved him away with all my might. But till this date, only one person on this planet knew about it and she actually thought that I had imagined it all, since guys in those social circles are supposed to be “decent”. Nothing really “harmful” (this term is so damn subjective) happened then. I tried dealing with that incident in an adult manner (in my mind i.e.) so that my self esteem didnt get hit (“did I really look the cheap variety or did I look the “unable to do anything variety” to attract the wrong guys” kind of doubts).

There are ways and means to tackle that colleague who talks to your breasts or that elderly relative who pretends to be fawning over you but is actually lusting (you can always tell). Of course, one needs to weigh ones options and actions a little bit keeping in mind all odds. One does not go ahead and take pangas with a gang when one is alone. But one can definitely be alert and quick (not just physically but mentally as well).

There has happened a particular incident of ballooning where the guy made the mistake of being visible while throwing the balloon. He happened to work at a local barber shop, which I immediately stormed into and gave him a piece of my mind and some of the choicest abuses I knew. A guy there (a client) egged me on to give him a tight slap as well. I quietly ignored him since I didn’t want the situation to get so heated up and that guy seemed to be egging me on just for kicks. I cant say that what I did, would have made the ballooning guy stop it for his life. But it’s always best to bring the “situation” into notice. The fear of embarrassment is enough for some to at least think twice about it next time. There was another guy who tried brushing past me on a main road while I was waiting to cross it. The whole damn road was empty, but he thought that he would have a piece of my butt before I reached the other side. That guy was unaware that he was going to get the shock of his life. Though I felt like killing him, I merely held his collar with both hands and shook him so badly that he didn’t know what hit him. He tried running for his life, but he couldn’t. I was surprised with my own grip. Eventually he managed to pull off and ran for his life. It was only when everything was over and done with, that the “crowd” asked me what happened and if he was trying to snatch my purse.

There are umpteen such situations in everyday life and they would perhaps never end. Not only is it difficult to try and give such sick men their due, it is very much a difficult thing when you are left in a doubt about the intention of someone. At times things happen accidentally and unintentionally too. But at most times they are obvious enough to be brought to public notice. Even if the “crowd” does not react (and only watches) one should definitely make sure that one does not ignore it. In public transport one can always request ppl politely to stop pushing or plainly to stand a little away. The way one does it makes sure that even the ones who did it accidentally aren’t offended by your request and the ones doing it intentionally can not just go scot free. When it happens repeatedly in spite of polite requests, it’s time to stomp that high heel onto his foot or to shove ones elbow into his balls.

The best way to actually try and reduce something like this is to spread awareness amongst women that they can actually protest against it. I have grown up watching things happen to me and around me and even though I knew it was wrong I didn’t know what to do about it (till some point in my life). One needs to ignore minor happenings but one also needs to make sure that the ones which can be avoided, are. Things can get as ugly as molestation of ones own children or marital rape. There is no dearth of the levels till which harassment can go. Be aware, be prepared, be alert and be proud to be a woman in spite of the shit that happens.


Coming soon in a theatre near you

This entry was posted in media social on by

… is a bomb blast. Last night 2 cinema halls in Delhi had bomb blasts during the show of ‘Jo Bole So Nihaal’. One person is reported dead and several injured. I was quite surprised to note that a bomb blast happened in cinema halls in the first place since the security is very strict (almost to the point of being bugging) and all necessary gadgets are available with the security checking personnel. One of the halls is Satyam Cineplex. Surprising again, since once, with just 10 minutes to the show, I had to go back home to keep my handbag, since they were not allowing even that inside. When detailed news reports came in, it became clearer that the bomb was placed in the toilet of the Subway joint right next to the main hall. It’s in fact so easy to take just about anything and leave it in any loo as long as it is outside the hall. That is a lesson to learn for Cinema managers. The other movie hall and the more affected one is Liberty in Karol Bagh. The bomb here was inside the hall.

It is concluded that the blasts had something to do with the show going on in both these movie halls. I have no idea what the movie is about and if it really is offensive. Definitely something can not be *this* offensive that people now start blasting people *watching* it! As if we already dont have enough of militant organisations to tackle, here comes another one with a chemical plastic bomb that goes undetected. We don’t even need outsiders to destroy our peace. All major multiplexes stopped screening any movies yesterday and evacuated people after this incident occured.

It would have sounded good in an ad but in this context it’s just too bad. The movie going experience is never gonna be the same ever.

Cellphone made a porn star

This entry was posted in delhi social on by (updated 6249 days ago)

Not very long ago, Video had killed a radio star. But who ever imagined that Cellphones would end up making *porn* stars! Or that instant (porn)stardom would start having different meanings! For those who haven’t yet got what I am going on about, here’s a snip of this incident.

_______________________________
NEW DELHI: In a shocking incident of abuse of cellphones by children, a student of a leading public school in the city filmed a sexually explicit visual of a girl, from the same institution, with a camera phone, which he then circulated as MMS.
Both the boy and the girl, as well as eight other students of Delhi Public School, R K Puram, have been suspended for carrying cellphones to school, sources said.

The school has also issued a 15-point guideline for parents and children, especially barring the students from bringing cellphones to school, the sources said.

The video clip, depicting the girl in a sexual act, was messaged by the boy to his friends and it got circulated to students in other schools. _______________________________

Frankly I am amazed that those “kids” have *this* as their idea of fun. Class 11th is not “kids” anymore. Our society is fast converging with what were suppposedly US cultural norms. But clearly, the thing that has affected ppl more is NOT the fact that a girl & guy indulged in oral sex at *school*, but the fact that it was recorded explicitly and passed on shamelessly. I just can’t fathom what these students expected to happen after circulating that MMS. It’s obvious that they just don’t know what “Jug Hasayee” (loosely translated, it means, the whole world laughs at you) means! Especially in this era of high speed & wireless technologies, the ramifications of such an incident are much larger than can be imagined. It’s difficult to comprehend how a young adult could have so callously ruined one’s own life with such a stupid thing.

Well, I for one, dont blame these “kids” entirely for this. All that happened can be more attributed to their parents and to some extent – the society. Today there’s perhaps a lot of peer pressure when one is in school, to lose ones virginity or to try stuff that might appear “daring” in nature. Parents can go on blaming the society for problems like lack of censorship in TV, cinema et al. But inspite of these issues, it’s the parents who have a major role in ensuring that their kids *do* have a stable head on their shoulders and dont get carried away, even with this kind of an atmosphere.

School admission in a reputed school – 75 K
Multimedia enabled camera phone – 15 K
The look on the parents face when they see their children’s “act” – Priceless.



Rangoli

This entry was posted in personal photography social on by (updated 6252 days ago)

All work and no play makes anyone quite dull, so inspite of the hectic schedules and my Senior project manager’s “warnings” to not indulge in cultural activities, keeping in mind the release deadlines, I did take part in a couple of things during the diwali cultural fest held at office (two weeks back). There’s usually a floor decoration competition here plus rangoli competition. Hard work pays (only where it doesnt really matter). My floor came first in the floor decoration competition and my rangoli came 2nd out of 13 teams. Here is a pic.

The theme was “good over evil”. Lord Ram is shown killing Ravanna, who`s a brahmin. The brahmin is a Shiv devotee and this is shown with the third eye and Shiv Tikka. The brahmin being Ravanna is depicted in his shadow with 10 heads. We (3 more ppl besides me) used rice (which we painted with water colours), pulses, rangoli colours, maida (fine flour), gold dust, soil, coloured sparkles, bit of thermocol etc. For Lord Ram`s clothes, we used satin, stuffed cotton under it and stuck the cloth to the floor, to give a 3D look. In the end it was highlighted with sparkles, to give it a royal appearance. Coloured sparkles were also put in other parts of the rangoli as well. When the spotlights were switched on, they added to the beauty of the rangoli. I personally liked the bright contrast which came up in the sun behind Lord Ram (he being a suryavanshi), though the picture doesn’t really show it well. Here’s another pic with just that part of the rangoli covered.