personal

The awakening 2

This entry was posted in nostalgia personal on by (updated 6253 days ago)

Some of the things that most of us would remember would be something of an extreme emotion.. something which made us really happy, or something which sent us hurtling to the opposite end of the emotional spectrum. Such a thing is waking up. If all our wishes were granted, one would wish to be woken up to a breakfast-in-bed service. Of course after having slept off the early morning hours. Preferably next to a hunk or a goddess. In a bed made of fluff or something.. basically in surroundings which tantamount to heaven. But this is not about such pleasures in life. This is about rude awakenings. Some of the most rude awakenings that I have etched in my mind.

One such stirring up to life happened when I was travelling back from Bangalore to Delhi in the Karnataka express a good 6 years back. For some reason (to cut a long story short), I had to appear for SSB (Service selection board) (Yeah I know this makes a separate post, now why would I want to go for SSB) in bangalore which had been arranged in a rather hurried manner. Most of us girls didnt have reservations. So all we could do was, take a second class ticket and hop onto the train. Yours truly was prepared for the worst and having faced such situs earlier, was equipped with a proper sleeping bag and stuff to basically stretch oneself on the bogie floor for one night. One of my friends had a reserved berth and I was tagging along with her.. so as to rightfully claim the floor in her coupe as my own :P. In spite of trying to avoid sleeping altogether (given the conditions), there came a point in the night, when we could just not utter another word and would have rather collapsed. I decided it was high time I caught up on my sleep. While going to bangalore also I had stayed up instead of sleeping although the sleeping bag had at least given us the freedom to sit on the bogie floor without squirming. This time I decided to sleep with all the luggage, shoes, stench, snores and all. There was a family in 2 of the other berths. A family because they had a small kid with them who would screech at all inappropriate times and generally behave irritatingly. Thankfully the kid was also sound asleep. The night quickly rattled by and the morning came. Sounds were embedded in my subconscious as I could make out a lot of activity around me. But I decided to stretch on for a little while more. After all where would I have sat anyway. My consciousness drifted along with the train and I dreamt of a lady screaming at a child.. me in the dream. The screams just kept getting louder and louder and shriller in intensity. I could just not react. Sometimes in your dreams you are totally incapacitated to do what you would really do in real life.

And suddenly that female slapped me HARD right across my face. I was totally stunned. Suddenly I woke up because the pain was too much. Something had actually hit me hard right on my nose bone. Having zapped back to reality in a second, I realised what it was. It was my own milton water bottle which was hanging right over my head and had fallen with precision on the bridge of my nose. The lady (now in reality) was apologising profusely and tried to massage my nose hurriedly. I managed to push her away just in time otherwise she would have ended up hurting me more. It seems the pesky kid had mistaken himself for tarzan and was going on jumping from one top berth to another. In his frenzy he probably forgot that my water bottle was not jungle foliage or something to glide across on. Till date I shudder at the thought of that rude awakening.

The other one happened more recently.. well not even a month back. I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a new house because of the lack of furniture. The house happens to be on ground floor and it was the monsoon season. The previous night I had thrown out a frog from the house assuming it would never be able to get across the small gap under the doors. Again, I could not sleep much because of sudden new surroundings (happens with me) most of the night. Also the fact that there could be a frog lurking nearby was there in the back of my mind. I could only sleep in the pre-dawn hours. But lady luck had run out on me again. I woke up with a start to something that had jumped on my face. Even in my deep slumber I didn’t even have to think about what it could be. Even before my eyes opened, I knew it. Yes, no points for guessing that a frog had jumped on my face. Yeah, may be it was hoping to transform into a prince. But I can only thank lady luck for whatever little courtesy she had shown me. At least the froggie didnt land right on my lips.. bleah.. I got up immediately. Had I been supersitious I would have probably made a fullfledged hulla because of the first thing I saw after waking up – a frog scared out of its wits probably more than I was. At least I had this in the back of my mind all night, but that creature would have just not understood how this rock it jumped on, simply animated into life. After having kicked it out of the house, (it was only too grateful to be let out), I slammed my way into the bathroom and washed and scrubbed my face till I was sure that more scrubbing would only end up scrubbing off my epidermis.

So much for the start of a bright new morning.


The Monsoon Wedding

This entry was posted in humour personal social on by (updated 6250 days ago)

No, not the movie. The one that I was busy attending since the past few days. It had most of the attributes of the movie itself. A typical punjabi wedding replete with lots of noisy relatives, chaos, fun, punjabi food, punjabi music, punjabi gaalis, lecherous elderly male relatives and of course not to forget the main ingredient – rain. All this was sans sex in the closet, (but then who knows, mebbe i wasnt aware), sans chunari chunari item numbers, sans a separate love story blooming for the household helps… ahem.. again, who knows mebbe i wasnt aware.

The functions started with the shagun ceremony. Since I was from the groom’s side, I didnt expect any mehendi wala at the occasion, but we did get one. I managed to get mehendi put on both palms, leaving the first three fingers of my right hand (utility fingers). Instead I got a pattern, something like a bracelet done on my wrist. Unfortunately, I also managed to smudge my mehendi in several places all over my brand-new-stitched-for-the-occasion-baby-pink suit. Reached home at 3am and got up at noon the next day. I had already done away with the henna at night out of the sheer frustration of not being able to use my hands. Still had a whole lot of things to rush up with. Had to buy some nice matching jewellery with yet-another-stitched-for-the-occasion suit.

This was the first time I had decided to get a proper hair-do from a parlour. For that I had to wash my hair and keep one and a half hours aside for the hair-do “job”. Suddenly after lunch, I realised that all these things on the agenda were just not possible if I had to leave on time. Leaving “on time” is something of a major debate at home. My dad always wants to be punctual at all these great indian weddings, where even the hosts are not present anywhere near the venue at the afore mentioned time. We (the rest of us) have given up by trying to prove each time in each such function that we happen to be the only ones at the venue, with no one to greet us except empty chairs and tables. sigh..Anyway, at 3pm I still had to wash my hair, buy myself some stone jewellery from Janpath, keep aside 1.5 hrs for the hair-do and of course get ready as well by 6pm. Impossible! Not to forget the rain which anyway slowed down things to a great extent. Some quick fixes were required.

I went to a neighbour to borrow some appropriate stone jewellery set to go with my suit. Got it thankfully and she also suggested a good parlour from where I could get a hair-do. She even suggested the kind of style I should go in for. Err.. I hadnt even decided on the parlour and hair style 😛 till then, so that saved me some time. But my luck didn’t last long. I went to the parlour in my car even though it’s a 5 minutes walking distance but spent half an hour going round and round the place that I thought the parlour was situated in. Because of the rain, there was just no one I could ask for directions.. the roads were absolutely empty! I was completely lost. I called up my neighbour again for directions, which were what I had already followed anyway. Finally I got one person from whom I clarified where the parlour was and reached the building which didn’t look like a parlour from any angle. There wasn’t any signboard either. I decided to ring their doorbell anyhow. I repeated the exercise of ringing the doorbell 3 times at 3 different entrances of the same building and finally the last one happened to be the entrance to an underground parlour albeit without a signboard!

Once in, I explained my predicament and also the fact that I was short of time. I blurted out exactly as instructed by my neighbour. “I want a bun which generally models and ppl like miss universe make”. The parlour ppl rushed up their act. About a 100 pin stabs in my head later and after being lighter by the weight of at least 1000 hair strands, my work was done. Not to forget the 250 bucks which exited my wallet quickly and the 1.5 hrs i spent here unlike the quoted “20 minutes”. Here I was, with a hair bun which was straight out of “The 70’s show” according to my sister. I was already late, but rushed anyhow, got ready and left. On the way, in the car, final touches were given to my appearance (read makeup, of which I am no connoisseur). I also managed to collide my head with the car’s ceiling and thus the bun several times in the car. I wasnt used to the sudden increase in height. But the bun was ok, courtesy the loads of hair spray that the parlour female had doused me with. So much so that I couldn’t even smell the favourite perfume I had sprayed. I also carried my transparent-pink-japanese-umbrella a la “Monsoon Wedding” style lest the baraatis would have to do some rain dance.

Once at the venue, where the baraat had to assemble, we were as usual earlier than the main baraatis themselves. The grooms sisters are supposed to tie a thread on the mare which the groom is supposed to ride. After this, the sisters feed the mare some horsegram or rather the pulses made of horsegram. All this hoopla got over and we went to the main venue of the wedding. Thankfully the wind was pleasant and there was no sign of rain (yet). Some of the guests for the wedding were foreigners. Before we knew it, they were clicking our snaps with great zeal. As my cousins and I waved at them, one of my “graameen” aunts slapped my back with a “bas karr!” (stop it). Maybe she thought I was having a major case of “chadti jawani”!!

I caught people staring at me – dunno whether the stares were appreciative or curious or plain amused. After all I looked like straight out of “The 70s show”. But I liked it myself. I didnt stay for the pheras since I was quite dogtired already with a previous night out. Left for home around 12:30am. The moment I reached, the skies poured. Maybe the heavens also shared the tears of the new bride.


Pregnant Possibilities

This entry was posted in humour personal on by (updated 6250 days ago)

‘Are you pregnant?’, asked the lady behind the ticket counter.

‘Whoooosh’.. I could hear my confidence zooming past to never never land. “What?”..it sounded like a slap to my self esteem and vanity. Little did it occur to me that the question could be duty bound.

“Am I really looking like *that*!!”, I thought to myself.. seeking consolation from somewhere in the recesses of my mind, for the insult that comes with a nonpregnant girl being questioned abt pregnancy!

Ok, let me give a “bhoomika” here first. The scene: I was coming back from Japan to India via Singapore, early last year. Due to the luggage restrictions and it being the coldest winter I could have ever imagined, I did the smart thing of wearing most of my clothes :-). So eventually I was with inners, warm thermals, a t-shirt, a shirt on top of it, 2 sweaters, warm legging, jeans, 2 pairs of socks, a *big* heavy leather jacket (it weighs 3 kilos by itself) and a muffler. Not to forget the big, lady’s handbag (which was more like a cargo bag), an actual handbag (weighing 11 kgs) and a laptop (the case of which I had stuffed with all that didn’t fit in my checkin baggage). Only I know how I managed to balance this load on both shoulders. Ouch.

I had missed my connecting flight to India and thus got an overnight stay in Singapore. One of the freebies at Changi Airport, (how can a desi not avail of these) is a tour of the Sentosa island via bus or boat and that was the booking counter for the same in front of which I was asked that … offending question. As I was trying to convince myself that it was *definitely* because I was wearing too many pairs of clothes, holding too much luggage and walking in the most awkward gait I could manage with that luggage; she asked me the question again and I spluttered ‘No’. She had probably noticed my squeamish expression for she clarified that pregnant women are not allowed for the boat ride and it was a customary question.

That was MY reaction. But there are others for example my aunt who have an entirely different reaction to a synonmous situ. My aunt (who stays in the US of A) has 2 kids. Despite of having delivered them years back (they are teenagers now), she still looks like the docs forgot something inside.. in other words, central obesity makes her look like she’s expecting. Many a times she’s had to face situations like (and worse than) this. But they only add to her daily dose of laughs and in fact she has a nice time getting pampered! It can certainly work to ones advantage if one knows how to veer the situ :).

One such situ happened when she was recently coming to India. The ppl at customs asked her if she was pregnant. She replied in the affirmative and was readily whisked away so that she doesnt go through the scanning at customs, while she gloated with glee inwardly. Further, the ppl freighted her luggage all the way like slaves, because – you guessed it – she was supposedly pregnant. Whenever she goes to Supermarkets, she gets lots of sympathetic and understanding glances from ppl in all age groups. Some offer to carry her stuff. Some offer her water to drink etc. She even wins awed and appreciative glances by (desi) aunties who happen to watch her playing basketball in the pink of her pregnant state of affairs. The lady at McDonalds stares in awe when she gets an answer to her question regarding the due date. After all who wouldn’t when told ‘the baby is due tomorrow but I wanted to eat french fries today’.

Fortunately, for me, I haven’t managed to land myself in such spots..phew.


The Local Zoo

This entry was posted in gurgaon personal on by

Step out and there’s a bird with a sharp trill, long orange beak, white breast, black body and longer legs than many birds. (Some ornithologist, please tell me which bird this is). The bird seems happy trilling around in the cool shade that trees provide on a hot sweaty summer afternoon and is busy swooping on small unsuspecting insects. Following its flight, I come across a not so pretty sight. A pig soaking in a water drain in all its oinking glory. But it seems to be deriving pleasure for sure. A little further away are two ducks standing in the hot sun (not in shade) in the middle of the road. The road is pretty battered up due to the construction going on, on the side. I notice the ducks standing in a miniscule puddle of water (some water stored up in a teeny weeny bump in the road). They also seem to be enjoying themselves. Even though they are standing in the direct sun, the heat is not getting to them. One of them is in fact *sleeping* with its neck somehow turned in the completely opposite direction, into its mass of white feathers and the head buried in them! Amazing sight. I forget that I am supposed to be driving. You, dear reader must be wondering where this local zoo is.. It’s right outside my office! (where else can you find pigs but in Haryana). And this is but a sample. While crossing roads, I have come across several other animals from this local zoo – donkeys for one, braying away to glory. Herd after herd of sheep for another. It’s a sight I have seen only in hill stations. Sheep and shepherd together with a lot of bleating going on! The only hilly part in the terrain are the crude speed breakers on the road.

But lately a new animal has joined this local zoo. It has been seen roaming around quite freely in the plush office buildings in the otherwise villagey gurgaon. It’s called the Software Engineer.



It’s been long since I:

This entry was posted in nostalgia personal on by



1. Wrote on paper with a pen, instead of typing on a keyboard, cellphone et al. Especially in hindi. I was quite stumped (for words or rather characters literally) when i recently tried writing in hindi! (quite a disturbing reality)

2. Rode a bicycle. An actual one. Not an exercycle. I really want to ride one again.. but Delhi doesnt allow me the same for various reasons. I havent done this since first year of college.

3. Went for a picnic. A proper lunch basket picnic. I think it was last in my teenage (I was in class X) that i had one like that!

4. Roughed up a guy. It’s been a year. The first time and the last time (so far). I still cant get over the fact that I actually did it! He was one of those road side eve teasers who got a shock that someone actually retaliated. And he was alone, I guess that’s what gave me the guts.

5. Touched my guitar or my flute :-(. Am slowly but surely taking out time for these activities.

6. Did some calligraphy. Last time was in college.

7. Sang while taking a shower. Or even took the transistor in for listening to some music while bathing. :-P. It’s a great combi. One should try it. ‘Bathroom bliss’ makes for a nice post.

8. Got my hair chopped short. Last time I did that was in class 12th. Before that I did it in class 7th. Both times, the saloon female asked me at least 5-6 times if I was sure. The time I was in 7th, my mom kept the tresses with her, thinking they could used for an artificial plait or bun. The hair colour didnt match 😛 :-).

9. Wore a Sari. The last time I wore it was on some family wedding. Am not very comfy with saris yet. For some reason, ppl expect a female who gets married to suddenly transform herself and start wearing saris instead of western or even indian suits. Mera number tab aayega.

10. Visited my college in Pune. I want to and I dont want to. I want to because I miss it and I know it’s a nostalgic trip down memory lane. I dont want to because I know it would have changed altogether. It would actually disillusion me and all the nice memories that I have abt the place would go in the trash bin.

11. Got into a swimming pool. It’s been *really* long. River, Ocean yes. But swimming pool, no. I was in class 6th, when I last made my attempt at swimming. Could never learn it. Inspite of the fact that I went river rafting last year to overcome my fear of water.

12. Got a leech latch on to me. (that was a tongue twister). It’s been almost 14 yrs now. I was in Siliguri (west bengal). That place is infested with leeches, snakes, frogs and all kind of creepy things you would rather stay away from. Add stepped on elephant shit to this.

13. Played Tambola! Used to get to play it often in my childhood and surprisingly I used to be lucky too.

14. Went to a ball. Last was in Pune – The NDA ball. It was a blind date. We made quite a funny combination (looks wise) and we were ribbed about it for long.

15. Close-danced on a slow number. For that matter I cant seem to remember when I did that last.. did I even do it.. mebbe with my soft pillow :P.

16. Did Origami. Gosh! I have forgotten all the small little things I used to make. Even a boat that every school kid knows how to make when the rains come. I used to make real good paper frogs that actually used to hop when you press their rear 😉

17. Witnessed a thief getting caught red handed. A pretty shaking-you-through-and-through situation when one starts imagining the consequences. Happened in Secunderabad when we were staying in a small room in the officers’ mess. It was the middle of the night and we were obv sleeping. That guy was an amateur, and somehow my dad realised that there was someone in the room. Suddenly when he was about to pick up some stuff, my dad caught him red handed. Phew.. one scary experience and I dont want it repeating again. or rather theft repeating again.

18. Made two plaits. I stopped making them after I chopped my hair in class 12th. But I guess I’ll do that someday for the school girlish fun.

19. Visited a church/synagogue. Went to a church with a friend when I was in college. Visited a synagogue during a south india vacation. I think it was in Cochin.

20. Have been jotting down this stuff. Better get back to other things :-P.