Worldwide

One of the “creativity” gimmicks used by ads is to do with showing how the product is being used worlwide. Transcending all geographical and linguistic barriers, all kind of cultural influence, these ads try to show that their product has universal appeal. Not everyone gets it right though. For example Toyota corolla. In an ad being broadcast here, they show how Corolla is the choice in various cities like Paris, Newyork, Tokyo etc with someone in the respective cities saying something (Welcome) in the local language. They finally show Rahul Khanna emerging out of a Corolla with a backdrop of some palaces. He also concedes to the car being well accepted globally. But don’t the ad makers forget one tiny little detail? Since when did cars in Paris and Newyork come with the drivers seat in the right hand side? Shouldn’t the car also be changed appropriately, if they want to show a still from a particular city, where a substantially native looking person says something in the local language? Or did they think that Toyota = Japan = Right hand drive everywhere!

But some others do get a perfect ten when it comes to the same concept. For example Nivea. The Nivea ad, which shows ppl across the world applying Nivea after shaving, on chapped lips, on skin, on babies – achieves whatever it desires. Somehow that ad fills one, with a warm fuzzy feeling about how the cream is multipurpose and is universally used. A large part of this effect is perhaps from the accompanying song by Asher Lane – New Days, which goes something like “Here comes the sun, it’s for everyone, I feel the sky is all mine’. Wonderful combination.

Another nice ad is the Videocon campaign, which shows the Gaytari Mantra being mouthed by not Indians but all kind of people in other countries. A very smart way of showing that finally everyone is recognising stuff “Indian”. Ultimately no product is complete without an equally smashing ad campaign.


Cheque check 3

Ah, The sweet smell of putting someone in their place. Customer care is one thing that definitely falls under the category of providing exactly the opposite of what they promise. Be it any commodity or service. As if life isn’t tough already, the things one buys, ensure that ones hands are full with the associated PITA’s (pain in the a$$ for the uninitiated) that come totally “free”. I finally got some respite from ICICI’s customer care. I have been their customer now for more than 7 years now – savings account, home loan, demat account, bonds and what not. Or it could have been even earlier by virtue of my parents having bought some bonds in my name when I was a kid. Anyhow in this particular episode, the problem was that I had tried to make some partial prepayment towards my home loan sometime last year. Since I wasn’t in the country, I had asked my parents to make the payments using the cheques from our joint account. My mom signed a cheque and went through the formalities of partial prepayment. ICICI quietly rejected the cheque without even informing us that it had bounced. When substantial time passed, we realised that the amount had not been deducted from the account and found that the cheque had been supposedly bounced due to signature mismatch. This was most ridiculous. My mother’s signatures were on the postdated EMI cheques too and they had no problem whatsover. Moreover everyone in our family is ultra careful about such procedures. I asked my parents to try again. This time my dad signed a cheque from the joint account and went through the formalities of partial prepayment. Again, ICICI repeated the same saga and rejected the cheque (quietly again) with no reason. No one bothered to inform us that it had bounced in the first place. I went around asking my savings account branch what was the reason for dishonouring the cheque, which they were able to provide to me much later after personal intervention. Again it happened to be “signature mismatch” which was most ridiculous.

Finally I went to the Jhandewalan branch of ICICI to discuss the issue with them. Due to two cheques having bounced, they wouldn’t even entertain any loan prepayments till a fine was paid for them both. I paid an exhorbitant fine of 757/- for 3 cheques (one was dishonoured many many years back and we didnt even know about it). I told the customer care that I just didn’t believe that the cheques would have bounced due to a signature mismatch and this seemed just a strategy to mint money on the side, more so because I didn’t have any proof of the cheques with me and I was just expected to take their word for it! After paying the fine for the bounced cheques, I made a 3rd payment which fortunately ICICI’s signature matching officials didn’t have anything against this time. I also lodged a complaint with them, demanding to see the bounced cheques and really confirming how the signatures on those didn’t match the counter signatures stored with the bank. As expected this was a lengthy process (god damn their mumbai headquarters). The cheques and everything had been sent to the mumbai branch and would take some time procuring. Even before this I had already been harassed enough to shuttle between their home loan branch in Jhandewalan, New Delhi and my savings account branch in Gurgaon – with both of them putting the onus of producing cheques on the other! Eventually I managed to put in the complaint and I was told that I would be called when the cheques come in. 4 months passed and no cheques ever came in. I eventually visited the bank again and told them off. I showed them the receipt I had of the complaint and the signatures of the employee who was to get back to me. She tried selling me some crap like “I forgot it that day and then my machine got some virus so I lost all the data of that day’s customers”. I gave her a piece of my mind about how she could be that non-serious and how she even expected me to believe that her machine, belonging to one of the biggest banks here, dealing with precious data like people’s money and finances, had some local data which was not even backed up?!! That was utterly preposterous. To top it all, the cheques could not be procured at all, since 6 months old cheques were purged anyway. So there was supposedly no way I could have even set my eyes on the cheques to actually see whether the signatures mismatched or not. I made yet another complaint and demanded that they refund me the money which was charged as fine, emphasising at the same time, that the amount they owed me was much more due to the additional loss incurred with my partial prepayment not being made on time due to some supposition that had been imposed on me. This time I wrote to the customer care of ICICI through the web and escalated this issue. I was told that scanned copies would be made available to me. But after some days I was told that since they were not able to get scanned copies either, they would refund me the extra fine charged. Finally I got back the fine that I was charged. And I decided to forget the losses incurred due to late partial prepayment (something to the amount of 6K or so), since the judicial system here can not really help me quickly. Had this bank done something like this in maybe US of A they would have been sued left, right and centre.

My tips to other grieving customers – as far as possible, make sure that you are told/given everything within your right and as long as you are not losing your sanity trying to get it. A lot of companies have such bad customer care that they just get away due to the sheer ignorance of the customer. But if they continue getting used to this, we will never be able to improve the seriousness that’s required in providing good customer care.


Jhalak dikhla ja


Not the imbecile song by Him who shall be Silky. The new dance show that launched today, in fact just now. The format seems to be straight out of the previous “popular” dance show – Nach Baliye, which sent the whole country watching just one program during those days. So much so that sitting in Finland I got reports that this show was rather popular. When I returned back to India midway in the series and saw the furore with which families, friends, colleagues discussed the goings on of the show beamed into their bedrooms, I realised that Indian television had a “formula” at hand. I digress, but then a tribute had to be paid to the first one (in India that is, since it was also copied from an international format).

Like Nach Baliye (which has a sequel coming up anyway), this show too has the 3 judges format. One dance director, one movie director (why do they have those I dont understand) and one oomphy actress who’s better at dancing than acting. So Saroj Khan has been replaced by Farah Khan minus the histrionics. Farhan Akhtar has been replaced by Sanjay Leela Bhansali (again sandwiched between the two females). Malaika has been replaced with Shilpa Shetty (can we ever forget ‘Chura ke dil mera’). The pair anchoring the show has been lifted straight from Nach Baliye and happens to be one of the popular pairs – Archana puran singh and Parmeet Sethi. Thankfully Parmeet isn’t heading over towards Shilpa at every opportunity to hug her like what he did with Malaika. The only way in which Jhalak Dikhla ja, seems to be different is that it has one celeb dancing with his/her choreographer instead of a celeb couple dancing. The choice of celebs is again, people who are not professional dancers and in some cases are rather surprising like Sanjeev Kapoor the chef!

Surprisingly I didnt see much promotion for the show, or is it because I hardly watch any of the Hindi serial channels?

Anyhow the first episode seemed to be executed just the way Nach Baliye was. Adequate hugging by the judges was there though no distribution of chillad or a guru/shishya bhashan. Since this is the first episode, the extra emotion, teary eyed people or the drama factor seemed to be absent. But I am sure it would follow once the show gains momentum. To start with, Ajay Jadeja strode in along with his choreographer. From hurling balls on the cricket field, he seems to have come down to hurling balls.. err..come down to gyrating his pelvis. Not very impressive. Then came Rati Agnihotri with a gusto, trying to recreate the “tere mere beech mein” effect that too with a costume that looked like she forgot her antlers and the tribal gong. Though I didnt see that 25 yr old effect, the judges were all praise for her effort, keeping in mind her age. Then entered the bad meanie of the KKKKKKkingdom – Aakashdeep Sehgal, sans the long hair, beard, moustache etc. He almost looked gay. He showed a lot of passion, physical strength and chemistry but forgot that he was here to dance. All that he did was twirl or swirl his choreographer around whereas everyone expected him to do something, what with those expressions and that agile body. Ended up being the lowest scorer of the day. Incidentally he was the only male dancer wearing white, all others turned up in black (is there some rule?). Then came one of the finest performances. Sultry Shveta Salve. She had the right movements, the right facial expression, the synchronisation, the enjoyment writ on her face. And needless to say she has a great figure (not that it matters, what with dilnaaz and gang coming up tops). Easily the topmost scorer of the day.

Then surprises of all surprises, we had Sanjeev Kapoor out of the kitchen for once, and onto the stage. He came dressed as a chef complete with the cap and then shed off his layering as if peeling an onion. Out came a black dress (what else) which somehow reminded me of Phantom comics. And out came even the fake moustache, peeled off yet again, like them veggies. Though he still stuck to salsa – if not in the kitchen then on the stage. And surprisingly again, he danced quite well, handled his partner well, had the right facial expressions too! Then it was Pooja Body err..Bedi, in an eminently forgettable dance number. Nevertheless she got complimented by a relieved Farah Khan who had been through the nightmare of directing her in “Jo Jeeta Wahee Sikander” and all the dance that she could manage then was, her lying on a car with the fan on. Mahesh Manjrekar strutted in with his partner. He looked like he could just stand around with a pistol blowing smoke. Surprisingly he danced well in a combination of salsa with tapori dance. He almost gave a Dev anand look while dancing in fact. And just before I thought that dancing on salsa was perhaps a requirement of the day, Jassi came in with her Babaji’s blessings and did a nice jive number. Again, she had the right dance, the right expression, the right everything. Though on a slightly lesser scale than Shveta Salve. And like all other couples, this one too ended the dance with the female falling onto the guy whilst he held her.

Like earlier reality shows, this one too gives the audience the kind of power to decide the winners, which they expect would decide their TRP’s too. Though the quality of the dances is mediocre compared to Nach Baliye. The show caught attention alright, but what with Nach Baliye’s sequel releasing soon, we would have too much dance everywhere. It still remains to be seen if these shows are gonna die out like India Idol 2 or move on to something more spectacular.


Zilly big

The title, though it doesn’t make much sense, is so, because most of the “Silly Pic” meme victims happen to be simbly southindeeyan suddenly. So from “Silly Pig”, I have graduated to “Zilly Bigg”.
Zilly Bigg?
Here’s one such “Zilly Bigg” that I have been forced to share by virtue of being tagged by Patrix. Please note, the picture is actually not mine. That is someone else. But the reflection which I tried capturing in her goggles, during a photography workshop cum DBM we had at Humayun’s tomb is the candidate here. Though I have a propensity to have silly pics taken (mostly by having my eyes closed at the exact moment the pic is clicked), such pictures are not readily available with me right now. Another pic of mine (?), can be seen here.


Lizard legends


Lizzies have always been around, haven’t they? But somehow in the past 1 or 2 years, I have come to know them at a ‘closer’ level, which I suspect is closer than most people are privileged enough. They are always there, hanging by the ceiling or camping on the wall, staring at that dinner (aka mosquito) on your head or you – you never know and may never want to either. The moment you flicker on a light, and there’s a movement in the room, trust loyal lizzie to be there. Once upon a time I managed to step onto a baby liz after not having switched on a light. I was so repulsed by it all, that I kept hopping for 2 days after that, as if it was still somehow in contact with my footwear. I soaked my footwear clean and got rid of the no-lights-please-i-am-expert-at-playing-dark-room habit pronto. My orthodox relatives gave me a bigger shock by their reaction to the incident. Sympathy can be expected. Disgust even. But if one shares such misfortune with someone and gets a question back at that, asking something as ridiculous as “Which foot was it?”, one can’t be blamed for looking as stunned as lizzies themselves. I was told by my relatives that depending on which foot I crunched the lizzie under, it could be auspicious and hold different meanings. I just wish they got as lucky as me.

When I shifted into my house in Gurgaon I thought I would have no neighbours because of low occupancy in my colony. But I was wrong. I had lizzies for company. One even landed on my lap once as I tried relaxing in the verandah on a hot summer night. To say that I had springs attached to my behind would be a mild way to express the swiftness with which I got up. As expected I developed a habit of not sitting under the ledge anymore and I look carefully whenever I am near the porch. I tried being optimistic by thinking that at least they would help in some pest control by eating up the free hotel business setup by the mosquitoes. But no, they only ended up befriending the mosquitoes, the spiders and the rest of the gang. I can see them having their frequent picnics up there till I drive them out using a broom! Now they have started playing hide and seek and turn up when I least expect them. The only thing missing is the ‘boo’ or something.

Then there was this ‘bright’ one (Do they have any brains?) which made me think and rethink my opinion about them. There was this lizzie who for some reason developed an affinity to not only my invertor but a particular spot on that. Day in and day out I saw her perched right there, always holding fort. I could not understand the reason for it. Neither was the invertor too hot nor too cold. In fact it was the same temperature as anything else. I made my maid agitate her outside the house using a broom. As soon as that happened I immediately locked my fortress and left for my work place. No prizes for guessing what happens next. Brilliant lizzie was inside when I got back from my workplace. From where she penetrated the fortress I call home, I wouldn’t know. And of course as always she was right on the hot seat – that particular spot on the invertor. Do they have brains or what?! Not only did the lizard know the what and the where with such clear granularity, she also knew the how! No matter what I tried, she seemed to be stuck (not just with those vacuum pads they have for feet) to the same spot on the invertor. If I knew some variant of Parsletongue, I would have surely questioned her. Some days later she left as silently as she had appeared with a very “Woh kaun thi” type of aura left behind her.

If you dear reader, havent already been creeped out, I will take the risk of describing yet another profound encounter. One fine day, while driving, suddenly something loomed up large on my windscreen. Thankfully I didn’t swerve, considering that I was almost about to have the kind of reaction one has while watching 3D films. A big fat lizzy was right there on my windscreen right in front of me. Not only did it stare at me right ahead, it also did the disgraceful act of ‘flashing’ (not to forget the free lift it got)! As if the vision of something of this species appearing out of nowhere, that too while driving isnt enough, there was the extra revulsion due to the feeling that it was about to land right on me somehow. The thought of switching on the wipers sickened me even more thinking about the bloody consequences. With all that difficulty, I somehow kept my eyes on the road and hands upon the wheel. After reaching where I had to, I got some much needed respite.

Be they creepy or be they brainy, I just hope their motto in life is not Kabhi alwida na Kehna.